Humor for the outliers. Unapologetic Apparel
We know who you are (sort of)
In a world where every "free" app is strip-mining your digital soul, we like to do things differently. We don't want your life story; we just want to send you shirts. Since the people in suits at the FTC and GDPR have rules, here is how we handle your "existence" on our site.
When you buy a shirt, we collect the basics: your name, your address, and your email. We need these so the robots at Printful know where to send your gear. We also track your IP address and "cookies", not the delicious kind, but the digital breadcrumbs that tell us how you found this dark corner of the internet...where we bury our bodies...oh, and print your shirts.
We DO NOT sell your data to third-party data brokers. We find them as annoying as you do, and honestly, they're about as useful as a lifeboat for the Titanic. We only share your info with the essential "accomplices" needed to run this asylum:
Shopify: They host our digital front.
Printful: They print the gear.
Our payment processor and banking partner: They handle the money so we don't have to touch it.
Google/Meta: We use standard advertising tools that may use cookies to show our ads to people who've visited our site. You can opt out of this through your browser settings or at Google Ad Settings and Meta Ad Preferences.
We treat your data like the mob treated Jimmy Hoffa. We'll never tell. We use industry-standard encryption to keep hackers out. However, let's be real: the internet is a dark place. If a state-sponsored super-hacker wants your shirt size, they'll probably get it. But we'll fight them every step of the way.
If you want us to delete your data and pretend you never existed...just like we do when you finish ordering...send an email to TheWarden@Off-Brand-Humor.com. We'll scrub your info from our servers faster than a witness in a high-profile trial. You'll be a digital ghost. Spooky.
(CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS: Under the CCPA, you have the right to know what personal data we collect, request deletion of your data, and opt out of the sale of your data. We do not sell your data. To exercise your rights, email TheWarden@off-brand-humor.com).
If you click a link and leave our store, you're on your own. We aren't your bodyguard; you don't pay us enough. We aren't responsible for the privacy nightmares of other websites. Once the patient escapes the asylum, watch your back...... the clowns outside will eat your crayons.
By using this site, you're agreeing to let us handle your data as described. If you don't like it, email TheWarden@off-brand-humor.com to request data removal. Or just hit Ctrl + Shift + W. We won't take it personally.
"The House Rules"
Welcome to Off Brand Humor. By using this site or buying our gear, you are agreeing to these terms. If you don't like them, you can exit our store by pressing Ctrl + Shift + W at the same time.
By using this site, you represent that you are at least the age of majority in your state or province. If you're a minor, go find a more "wholesome" corner of the internet. We won't be held responsible for your poor life choices...or their consequences.
Everything on this site; the designs, the sarcasm, the code our incredible psych patient team painstakingly wrote, belongs to Off Brand Humor. You may not copy, reproduce, or resell our gear without our express written permission. If you try to rip us off, our lawyers, who are significantly more boring than we are, charge by the hour, and genuinely enjoy fighting in court, they will be in touch (if you think we are bad, they are far much worse).
We flirt with the darkness here. If you find our content offensive, that's your right (and usually our goal). Just don't buy it. Won't hurt our feelings, since we don't have any. If a shirt ruins your social standing, consider it a personality upgrade. You were warned; if you're still here, you're one of us.
(By exploring the Asylum, you acknowledge that your humor is as twisted and dark as ours; and you explore the Asylum on your own accord. No clowns forced you here.)
In no case shall Off Brand Humor, our directors, or our contractors (shoutout to our psych patient team) be liable for any injury, loss, or claim exceeding the amount you paid for your order. If a shirt makes you too popular and it ruins your life, the most we owe you is the price of the shirt.
If you do something stupid while wearing our gear and get sued, you agree to indemnify and hold Off Brand Humor harmless. You pay for your own legal mess; we've got enough of our own.
These terms shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of Wisconsin, and any disputes will be handled in Rock County. We like to keep things local. Traveling is a hassle, and frankly, strangers are scary.
We reserve the right to update, change, or expand these terms whenever we feel like it; or not. The clowns say changes are effective when posted on the bulletin board. It really depends on the weather that day and how much coffee we've had. It's your job to check back.
Let's be real, lawyers and judges can be weird. If some black-robed judge in a dusty courtroom decides that one specific rule on this page is legally invalid, unenforceable, or just hurts their feelings, don't pop champagne just yet. That doesn't nuke the whole asylum.
If one clause goes down, all the other rules stay locked in and fully active. The strait-jacket buckles hold. You're still bound by everything else. Think of it like a Clownpocalypse: chop off one head of one clown, and the rest of the clowns (I mean lawyers) keep right on staring you down.
QUESTIONS?
Send your complaints or fan mail to us at
TheWarden@Off-Brand-Humor.com.
Don't expect a hug.
PAYMENT METHODS
- Credit / Debit Cards
(And the answers you probably won't listen to anyway.)
A: Relax, Karen. As we explained in our Shipping Policy, we don't have a dusty warehouse full of pre-made junk. The second you order, our robots (and the occasional inmate in a strait jacket) custom-print, stitch, color with crayons, or press your item. Standard fulfillment takes 2-5 business days, and shipping adds another 5-10 business days for USA orders. Check your tracking link or grab a hobby while you wait.
A: Because nothing here is stamped out by the container-load. Every piece is printed on demand, one at a time, on blanks we'd actually wear ourselves. You're paying for a short run and a design nobody else had the nerve to make, not for a warehouse full of identical beige junk.
A: Everything is made to order the second you click buy, so we can't just toss a shirt that says what ours say back on a shelf. That said, if your order turns up damaged, defective, or flat-out wrong, we'll make it right. Email us with your order number and a photo. Full details live in our Return Policy.
A: A Ward is a wing of the Asylum, our way of sorting the chaos. Each one is a collection built for a specific breed of lunatic: The Library, The CQ Desk, Roughneck Retreat, Ladies of the Local, Unfiltered Women, Blackout Zone, and the Day Room. Take a walk through Our Wards and find your people.
A: Real as the crayon marks on the wall. They're physical, printed collectibles you can hold, drop, and explain to houseguests. No digital nonsense, no wallet app required. They move in small runs, so when one disappears, it has genuinely disappeared.
A: Email TheWarden@Off-Brand-Humor.com or use the contact form at the bottom of any page. A real person reads every one of them. We're not always fast, but we are real. Don't expect a hug.
A: US orders are our bread and butter: 2-5 business days to make it, another 5-10 to get it to you. Shipping anywhere else depends on the item, so punch your address in at checkout and the available options and delivery estimates will show up. If nothing appears, we don't ship there yet.
A: No goat required. Turn it inside out, wash cold, tumble dry low, and keep the iron off the print. Do that and the design will outlive the relationship it offends. Hot water and high heat are how shirts shrink and prints crack, and that one's on you, not us.
A: Don't panic, and don't throw the packaging away. Use the Start a Claim for Package Issue link in the footer, or email TheWarden@Off-Brand-Humor.com with your order number plus photos of the item and the box it arrived in. The sooner you flag it, the sooner we fix it.
A: Please do. We actively hunt for lines that make people clutch their pearls. Send it through the contact form or email the Warden. If it's good enough to print, we'll be in touch. If we pass, it's usually because a lawyer twitched.
A: Follow us on social, the links are down in the footer, and keep an eye on the Wards. New gear gets committed regularly, and the good stuff tends to walk out the door before we get around to announcing it.
Have a question or just want to share a good joke or idea for our line of apparel? We're all ears! Reach out to us at
We'd love to hear from you!
