THE ASYLUM GIFT CARD: MANDATORY COMMITMENT PAPERS

(Know someone who legally belongs here?)

Let’s face it: picking out a gift for a delusional human being is a logistical nightmare. That’s why we created the official Off-Brand Humor Gift Card—the only socially acceptable way to commit someone you love (or tolerate) directly to the Ward of their choice.

Let them pick their own poison, choose their own psychological armor, and select their favorite flavor of offensive sarcasm.

THE TREATMENT PLAN:

• Flexible Denominations: Available in amounts designed for mild infractions all way up to full felony psychological breakdowns.

• Expiration Date: Never expires. Much like a permanent record in the federal witness protection program, this balance stays active until it’s spent.

• The Return Policy: No refunds. (You knew what this place was the second you walked through the gates.)

Give the gift of bad decisions, trade-hardened humor, and guaranteed HR visits.

Welcome to the Asylum.